My Homemade Valentines

Yes, I remain as curmudgeonly as ever this time of year.

Dear Cupid (1) 

I wanted to personally(2) thank you for all
the joy(3) you have brought into my life(4) 
thus far. My high school years were
especially full(5) of your special touch with 
an arrow(6). As I grew and matured(7) I came to
realize the unique role(8) that you would play
in my life(9). Every step I took you were
there(10). I have certainly been blessed(11) by
your love(12). It is at this wonderful(13) time
of the year that I really feel closest to you(14).
So for all(15) you have done(16) I want to express
my gratitude(17) properly(18). With a kiss(19).

Yours with Love(20) 
R

(1) You cruel naked jerk
(2) and I mean up close and personal
(3) and by joy I mean years and years of personal anguish
(4) if you could call it that
(5) full of scatological moments
(6) were you aiming for my forehead?!
(7) tried desperately to out run you – you grotty little louse
(8) of my personal tormentor 
(9) of pain and turmoil
(10) shooting arrows in my back
(11) I didn’t know beelzebub did blessings
(12) love of inflicting acute mental and physical pain 
(13) commercially forced sentimental pink drivel 
(14) hard to miss you with this sharp arrow in my throat – you foul bastard!
(15) Every last agonizing…
(16) each and every arrow through my head, my back…
(17) I got my own cross-bow 
(18) so I would watch your spiteful nude butt
(19) would you like to know where?
(20) I would Love to snap your little “bow” in half

I’m with Zefrank here, relationship apocalypse. Yes or No?

This year it’s a No, my awesomeness can be a lot to handle.