This morning I poured, plopped actually, chunky milk on my cereal. Well yum.
This was before coffee. Thankfully I make my coffee with butter and coconut oil.
Chunky, plopping, smelly milk because my refrigerator was warm. It was also quite full of science experiments I had been pointedly avoiding, but all seemed to be thriving under the new warmer climate. My fridge, a microcosm of global warming, without the polar bears.
Enter YouTube. After coffee. Seriously, I do have priorities. I Googled “what to do with a warm fridge, cold freezer” and there was a very helpful video. I love YouTube. First I had to deal with the long forgotten “Back There” section of the fridge which by the time I got to it had it’s own blossoming ecological structure and a rudimentary government established. Being the good Imperialist that I am, I decimated their ecosystem, laid bare all their fertile grounds and ran their leaders through the garbage disposal. I renamed their sacred ground ‘mustards and other condiments’ and installed my beloved Pesto as their new leader. I plan to rule with a fierce and occasionally forgetful benevolence.
Three YouTube videos, including ‘how to get that goddamn shelf out of your freezer’ (yes there is a video), several tools that I called Thingy 1, 2 and 3, and one curly-girl hairdryer (it’s what I have, what can I say?) later there was definite progress. Twenty attempts to get one wire shelf out of a freezer. Twenty. If you ever need a shelf removed in your freezer, I am your handyman. A friend aptly described my heroic and epic efforts Apollo 13 level McGyveing, which they were, but so much more. Apollo 13 had NASA, I just had YouTube and the trauma of milk chunks to get me through.
There may or may not have been a perfectly preserved house fly in the frozen freezer coils, who may, or may not have had a role in the blossoming ecological system’s rudimentary government, and possibly was so frozen he was singing Let it Go. I cannot comment any further on this, and even though I’m Canadian, I’m taking the 5th here. Don’t ask me about this, and we will never speak of it again.
In the end I prevailed and now have a spotlessly clean and refreshingly cold refrigerator. I also had a garbage bag of paper towels and tragically discarded ecological systems, a load of soaking wet smelly tea towels, and a completely full recycling bin.
Oh, and I forgot to buy milk.