Bitches get stuff done

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screenshot_2015-12-20-12-55-38-01.jpegThis morning I poured, plopped actually, chunky milk on my cereal. Well yum.

This was before coffee.  Thankfully I make my coffee with butter and coconut oil.

Chunky, plopping, smelly milk because my refrigerator was warm. It was also quite full of science experiments I had been pointedly avoiding, but all seemed to be thriving under the new warmer climate.  My fridge, a microcosm of global warming, without the polar bears.

img_20151230_162144.jpgEnter YouTube. After coffee. Seriously, I do have priorities.  I Googled “what to do with a warm fridge, cold freezer” and there was a very helpful video.  I love YouTube. First I had to deal with the long forgotten “Back There” section of the fridge which by the time I got to it had it’s own blossoming ecological structure and a rudimentary the_walking_bread_tshirtgovernment established. Being the good Imperialist that I am, I decimated their ecosystem, laid bare all their fertile grounds and ran their leaders through the garbage disposal. I renamed their sacred ground ‘mustards and other condiments’ and installed my beloved Pesto as their new leader. I plan to rule with a fierce and occasionally forgetful benevolence.

Three YouTube videos, including ‘how to get that goddamn shelf out of your freezer’ (yes there is a video), several tools that I called Thingy 1, 2 and 3, and one curly-girl hairdryer (it’s what I have, what can I say?) later there was definite  progress. Twenty attempts to get one wire shelf out of a freezer. Twenty. If you ever need a shelf removed in your freezer, I am your handyman.  A friend aptly described my heroic and epic efforts Apollo 13 level McGyveing, which they were, but so much more. Apollo 13 had NASA, I just had YouTube and the trauma of milk chunks to get me through.

There may or may not have been a perfectly preserved house fly in the frozen freezer coils, who may, or may not have had a role in the blossoming ecological system’s rudimentary government, and possibly was so frozen he was singing Let it Go. I cannot comment any further on this, and even though I’m Canadian, I’m taking the 5th here. Don’t ask me about this, and we will never speak of it again.

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fecking LASAR beam 

In the end I prevailed and now have a spotlessly clean and refreshingly cold refrigerator. I also had a garbage bag of paper towels and tragically discarded ecological systems, a load of soaking wet smelly tea towels, and a completely full recycling bin.

Oh, and I forgot to buy milk.

 

 

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